This seems like something that should be mentioned from the get go, but the fact of the matter is that women know having a kid already will send most guys packing. She doesn’t consider it lying not to mention it: she’s trying to give you other reasons to like or dislike her first. Then, once she feels comfortable is the moment she is going to tell you about this. While it can come as more than a shock, freaking out on her is probably the worst thing to do. Even if you decide it’s not something you can deal with, it’s really not okay to leave a woman like that. Word gets around, if nothing else, and it’s pretty hard to change your mind down the road after something like that.
Is This Really a Deal Breaker, or are You Panicking?
No time like the present to ask yourself if you honestly don’t want kids, or just weren’t ready to deal with the idea of it. In our experience, many guys often have more of a problem with the child coming from someone other than them than the fact that there is a kid involved at all. To this we say; get over it. Unless you want to spend that much of your adult life digging through online personals site reviews, you have to get used to the fact that most women have had relationships before you. The older you get, the more likely there is a kid involved in there somewhere. Contrary to popular belief, this doesn’t necessarily mean she’s looking for someone to be the father of her child, either. She probably just likes you and wants to see if it can work out. So if you like her and just never thought about a kid being in the equation at least consider that you got a head start and probably missed a lot of the annoying parts of having a baby in the house.
Just because you haven’t thought about it before doesn’t mean you have to break things off the moment she brings it up either. Instead of jumping in the car and heading for the nearest bar in Edmonton, take a deep breath and try talking it out. If part of the problem is the fact that she didn’t bring it up in the first place, tell her. Explain that it isn’t so much the fact that there’s a child involved, but more the fact that she hadn’t said anything in the first place. Phrase it more along the lines of it being an important part of her life than something she was hiding from you. If you still like her and want to give it a shot, be clear about any misgivings you may have about children in the relationship. There’s no need to go in blind, but try not to get accusative during the conversation. Talk about your concerns instead of the things you dislike. For example, instead of complaining about not being able to sleep with a kid in the house, bring up a previous experience where that was the case. If it doesn’t work, you can always look up someone online. Learn how to hookup online and Read Reviews Of The Best Personals Sites To Find Hot Ladies. Make your decision on the basis of popular online personals reviews.
Remember: They aren’t Competition
One of the most important things to keep in mind after you decide a child is something you can work with is that you aren’t competing with them for their mother’s attention. First of all, most of the time you would lose that competition, so it’s usually best not to even start. Secondly, well, the entire point is to not end up back at the online personals site reviews, isn’t it? If you think she’s worth pursuing and you are even okay with the addition of the kid, then the best thing you can do is not make her feel like she’s constantly deciding between the two of you. Remember, she was a mother before she was your girlfriend. In terms of where her mind is and her priorities, that’s generally going to mean she’s used to thinking about him first. If she realizes you think you’re in some sort of competition, more than likely she’s going to lose interest fast. She’s not interested in another child vying for her care and attention. She wants a man: so give her one.
Don’t Spoil Them, but be Nice
When it comes to actually dealing with the kid, most people will either mostly try to ignore them, or completely spoil them to win their affection quickly and easily. Neither is the best solution. While it is true that children can more or less be bought with toys, candy and whatever else they ask for, the fact of the matter is this is a horrible way to win their affection. In the best scenario, where the relationship works out, you now have to deal with a spoiled brat who won’t understand why you aren’t giving them everything they want all the time anymore. In the worst case scenario, spoiling the kid will tick off their mother, who is the one who has to deal with the repercussions, landing you quickly back to the online personals site reviews instead of enjoying your time with her. So keep that in mind if you decide to treat them to dessert or show up with a toy. Try not to make it a habit and don’t encourage bad behavior by getting them to calm down or be quiet by giving them things or giving in to their every request because you’re afraid they will cry to their mother.
On the other hand, straight up ignoring them isn’t going to win you any points with anyone. While it is certainly a good idea to defer to their current full time parent, ignoring their presence is the wrong way to go about it. Our experience is that this approach generally comes from two places: not knowing how to deal with a child or generally not caring about them. The first it workable, the second means you should probably exit this relationship before things get more complicated or she notices. If you don’t know what to do, just talk to the mother about it. It’s really as simple as that. She probably isn’t expecting you to be the child whisperer or anything of the sort. When she’s not around, treat them like a competent individual and in most cases they will react positively.
Take Your Cues from Her
Any way you look at it, the best thing you can do is simply pay attention to how she deals with her own child. Every parent is going to do things differently, so it’s important to make note of her personal method and where she’s coming from. Obviously, if you notice anything worrying about her parenting you should bring it up right away. If you’re not certain about it, ask a parental figure you trust first. Otherwise, make sure to follow her lead. If she doesn’t want her child wandering off on their own, make sure to keep an eye out when you’re together. If it’s important to her to have them learn to take care of themselves make sure you are helping them do things instead of doing it for them. It’s the little things she’ll notice and appreciate.